I was interested in buying some makeup online. I had money, which hardly ever happens. Plus, I’m starting to have some interest in looking nice when I go outside. So, I tried to think of the cheapest makeup that wouldn’t rot my face off. My best friend had mentioned makeup she got at the dollar store that was pretty ok, and I figured dollar-store makeup was in my price range. E.L.F.’s website seemed professional, even though the swatches seemed off. The products are all reviewed; no one mentioned face rotting and most reviews were positive.
The problem? I ordered the stuff weeks ago and I haven’t received it yet. Something I ordered from China the same day came yesterday. That’s pretty sad, that something I ordered with the cheapest shipping possible from halfway around the world got here first. Continue reading E.L.F. customer service sucks→
I’ve been caught up in mental illness for so long I almost don’t know what I’m supposed to do when I start getting better. It started when I was 11. I’m 32 now. Years of misdiagnoses and hospitalizations later, I’m told I have chronic depression, possibly a mood disorder, and ADD.
I didn’t know “smart” people could have ADD. Yes, I complete everything in a rush and hope it’s good. Yes, I have trouble paying attention. Yes, I’m known for non sequiturs, interrupting people, and continuing a conversation out of the blue hours after it’s completed. Yes, I have trouble remembering names. Yes, I have trouble sitting still and fidget constantly. Yes, I have panic attacks when I’m supposed to start a large task, and yes, my organizational skills are shit, but I always thought these were just bad personality traits. I don’t know that I believe that everyone should take medicine, but the ADD medicine I’ve been taking lately has helped me tons.
In the past to do something for 2 hours I had to either put forth super-human effort and get super stressed, or get so focused I forget to eat or go to the bathroom. Now I can work on something for a long time and still remember to take care of myself.
Because I have a laptop and no mouse, and I don’t use the actual laptop screen (which is broken) but a monitor next to it, I haven’t been doing a lot of digital art lately. Let’s be honest, I’ve never really done digital art, because it takes patience and some of the time it feels suspiciously like math.
Last night I designed a shoe, but I couldn’t find my camera to take a picture of it. I then thought, “If I had done it on the computer, I wouldn’t have to find a camera or a scanner!” And then the idea of designing a shoe on the computer just kept bugging me and my ADD-hyperfocus self. I couldn’t concentrate fully on doing nothing because the idea kept popping up.
I wasn’t amazingly successful at drawing a shoe using the mousepad, so I downloaded a free template and added texture, color, and some embellishment to that.
About a year ago, depressed, with no job and no cable, I started watching Korean dramas online. Like most people who watch TV in other languages much longer than they should, I realized I was picking up some of the language. When I say depressed, I mean the clinical kind, the kind that leads to your family asking anxiously if you’ve taken your medicine everyday. I needed something to do that at least seemed productive. I wanted to learn something, and because I’d absorbed a few words, I became interested in the idea of studying Korean. So, six months ago, I began earnestly studying…Japanese.
I don’t exactly know how that happened. My friend Molly wanted me to use the Pimsleur method, but the only one she could find on youtube that was even close to Korean was Japanese. I thought that was pretty funny, linking me to another Asian language as if the two were interchangeable. Then she gave me a whole speech on similar word order and loan words and a bunch of other stuff I forget, but I did get the idea that Japanese and Korean were close in the way English and Spanish are close. So, when I couldn’t find a lot of free online resources for Korean, I decided to study Japanese because I was developing an interest in languages in general.
When your day is super crappy, paint something you don’t have to think about. Put on loud music, wrap yourself in a blanket, get paint all over your hands. Random people might come in and tell you that what you’re painting is creepy, but you will feel better.
I have light brown skin and dark, corkscrew-curly hair. I have freckles and I can get a sunburn. My nose is squishy. My eyes have an epicanthic fold, and I’m pretty sure one eye is bigger than the other. I have big legs and tiny little hands and ears. My teeth have big gaps, but my dentist says each individual tooth is well shaped.
A while ago, I realized that unless I was drawing a self-portrait, I tended to draw girls that all looked the same. They were thin, with long straight hair, even features, straight cartilage heavy noses, and small mouths. They were floating heads, not bodies. They were almost uniformly white.
Part of the reason was I had trouble coloring dark skin. Another, more upsetting factor to realize, was that when I started drawing as a child, I believed that being pretty was incredibly important, and most of the women I saw described as pretty on TV and in magazines were white and thin. Even if they weren’t white, they all had similar features and were around the same age.
I wasn’t drawing men, either, or children, or older people. I wasn’t telling stories; I was doggedly repeating an image I believed was beautiful, boring even myself. Continue reading Who I draw→
I used to be very into deviantart. These days I feel like an old lady when I visit, because I start grumbling “in my day, you didn’t have to be popular to get views.” I do occasionally go in and take a look around my gallery, which I did today.
Sometimes I think my art isn’t getting better, I’m not as good as my boyfriend or friends, and I might as well stop.. But looking at old artwork helps me realize I have improved a lot, and am still going forward.
These are my first two deviantart posts from 2005. I used to primarily use graphite, but around 2006 I started mostly using pastel pencils, partly because I felt like graphite took too much time and effort.