Very lonely

Right now I feel pretty lonely. Many of my friends are just too busy for me to see them often, and beyond that I isolate myself so I have trouble making new friends. I’m not seeing many people, but even when I am. When I am around new people, I think I am friendly, but when they ask me to do something I usually just say a few noncommittal things or straight out lie and say I have something else going on. It is basically because I don’t feel good enough to have friends. I never feel like I’m as good as other people and that creates a lot of stress when I”m around them. I want to change, I just don’t know how. One thing I’m getting better at is making and canceling plans, which hurt a lot of feelings. But I’m not keeping myself from canceling, I’m just being clear about my social anxiety in the beginning and not accepting as many invites.

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Soon

We’re going to have a table at Sac Anime at the end of the month, and the boyfriend and I are both frantically trying to create artwork we don’t hate. He and a co-worker will be doing caricatures, and since he’s on his fourth season as a caricature artist he’s not super worried about that part. We are both very nervous about original prints, though. 

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